Zoloft, pregnancy tests, and ultrasounds

his week has been a crazy one to say the least! Jazzy is still fighting swine flu and unfortunately she will not even be able to go to the fair with the other kids today. I'm hoping I can take her for a little while on Saturday morning. Let her check out some animals and take some really funny pictures. Let's not forget all the good food that I don't even need to be thinking about eating!

I finally made it to the doctor on Monday. Turns out I have mild depression, stress/anxiety. I wasn't surprised by half the news but the depression part totally caught me off guard. Now when I think about it Im pretty sure he's right. I have been through so many changes it's not even funny I just think about from last year to now and OMG it's been alot! So the doctor might actually know what he's talking about this time. He's put me on Zoloft so I'm going to try tht for a month and see what results I get. I have to go see a counselor and according to him I need to get out more. I've contacted her and I start next week. The zoloft is going ok the past few nights it's given me bubble guts so bad so now I have to try something else I think it's selexa or something but I'm gonna go on base and pick it up today. Hopefully it will knock me out at night like the Zoloft did. If not I'd rather deal with the bubble guts. If course they did ANOTHER pregnancy test and again it was negative! I swear everyone wants me to pregnant or some shit. Everyone except me that is. I told L and he almost sounded bummed. Of course my mother in law had to text and ask if I was because she saw on my FB where I went to the doctor, the woman is a FB stalker which is so funny.

L made the deposit for the studio he's going to be renting and he moves in today. I'm glad all of that is over. Now we can focus on finally gettig us on the base housing waitig list. I'd rather we get on the one for Midway Park since the wait is only 4 to 5 months but Tarrawa Terrace are all brand new but the wait is 8-10 months! Initially we were thinking abot TT but the waiting is a killer. I don't know I guess we can talk about it.

I'm sitting in the waiting room at the hospital now waiting to get an ultrasound of my thyroid . I'm so tired of seeing doctors. I'm goin to welcome the break from them.

Another day of bullshit

Unfortunately I'm up again at 2 something in the morning but this time I think it's because I went to sleep too early. L had a football game today and he'd only gotten about 5 hours of sleep this morning after the drive yesterday and working all night and then having to back at work at 11 tonight. We didn't get in from the football game until after 9 so we basically ate and I laid down with him thinking I was going to watch tv but totally fell asleep right along with him. Something about him snoring all loud in my ears does that to me I guess. :D Today we had a few errands to run before the mainly getting to the leasing place to sign the police report for them to be sure that I'm me, if that makes any sense. So, we get a late start because the people at his second job were like don't worry about coming in after he told them he had to do somethings for work today and then he dropped the bomb on them that he won't be there tomorrow either cause he has to take me back home and he said he heard a bunch of static on the line after that so he said he'll show up on Wednesday and either he'll have a job or he won't. LOL I hope that he does because we could definitely use the extra money. We go to the leasing place and I was thoroughly pissed off after I left there. It was horrible and I'm not even interested in doing business with them. When I went to see the place that L is so in love with, I did not feel the same way and I don't think it's worth what they want to charge in rent. After we left the property and went back on base to get his team's jerseys and all that good stuff he's like "well I guess I'll try to figure out when I can bring you back up here so we can get the paperwork done." I'm thinking what paperwork, this fool is talking about the lease for the house I just told him I did not want to live in! So much for the whole rant that I had earlier. Then he still hasn't put us on the waiting list for housing, that's another thing I'm going to have to dig in his ass about but as soon as that comes up and even if it doesn't in that 6 month time frame that I'm hoping it does rather than that 8 month they have on the website, I wanna be out of this place. L doesn't like the idea of living on base but at this point it's our only option since he doesn't think I should pay the people the money to clear this mess up on my credit from the identity theft. I don't know things are going to get ugly on that subject. In my mind I've resolved myself to just calling a credit counselor and asking them at this point what should I do as far as this situation-should I just pay the money or continue a 3 year dispute with the creditor? I just don't want to deal with a headache every time I want to make a major purchase or get housing for us. I mean we've got some major purchases that will be coming up soon and I'm not going through what I've gone through the past week with anybody. It's just ridiculous the bullshit I went through today and my husband was oblivious to the fact.

Today was semi-productive though, we went and checked out the CDC on base and it's so cute it's like a little school. It's pretty big too for a child development center. Of course, it falls right in line with everything else at New River or Camp Lejeune, there's a waiting list. For this one however, it's 2-3 months long. Not too bad I guess. We did fill out the paperwork though and she's on the waiting list. Hopefully, her turn will come up sooner. If not she will go on the 3 year old preschool list and they'll put her on the list according to the date we put her on there so that's good but I've got to forward the director my school registration letter so that they put her on the priority 1 list. I'm glad I'm making headway with that.

The football game was a mess. The guys lost 3 key players on defense and they didn't find out until Sunday one got sent to Arizona, one got sent to Cherry Point, and I forgot what happened to the other one needless to say L was pissed off since he is the defense coach. They started out pretty good but before we knew it the score was 28-0 and the game was ending via a Mercy Call cause they were losing so bad. He really wants to play now instead of coach but he says if he does the coach will expect him to start and he doesn't want to take anyone's job. We shall see how that pans out. I think as a spectator it's more fun for my husband to be a player cause as a coach all I see him do is yell, cuss, and walk/run up and down the sideline, that's when I can see him over the giants he's coaching. I did get off and didn't have to videotape the game for the guys but I did have phone duty for one of the players who's wife is 3 days overdue and should go into labor any day now, luckily that phone call did not come through. LOL

Oh well I've been up for an hour and still not sleepy. I think I'm gonna roll over and watch a little Lifetime or HBO and go from there.

Random....

After talking with the realtor the other day and finding out that I have to turn in certain paperwork in person and sign them L and I talked and he came down to SC yesterday and we left to come up here to Jacksonville today. The ride wasn't too bad of course I passed out as usual. I tried my hardest to stay awake and it seemed like as soon as I started to get a good drool going he was exiting so of course I woke up and he asks me did I want something, I'm thinking we've rode pretty far if we're already stopping for lunch , well no he was stopping to get a 5 hour energy shot because his wife was not staying awake keeping him company. LOL He says it wouldn't matter whether I was awake or asleep because he was sleepy.So of course after we stopped I stayed awake for a little while but dozed back off again. I did wake up outside of Wilmington and I've gotta say Wilmington is a beautiful coastal city from what I saw. I can't wait to visit again , maybe make a little day trip up there to see it. Once we got here we got settled and we went to L's football practice it was pretty cool. I'm excited about the game tomorrow and see how well he does with the coaching. Today was pretty cool though I heard him yell a couple times, but tomorrow I'm sure he will act a monkey. LOL I met a couple of the guys on the team and his coach so it was cool. He introduces me as "my girl" WTF...how about "my wife" he's so retarded. It sucks because whenever I refer to him I either say his name or I say "my husband". It kinda hurts my feelings because it's like he has stated on more than one occasion that most people that know him does not even know that he's married yet. WTH is up with that?!?! I don't know maybe I'm bugging for no reason. We talked about it and he says it's just a thing, which I'm sure it is but I mean dude I'm your wife now and I love to hear it when he says it in reference to me. He just left to go to work, so this is my practice run being in Jacksonville and being home alone overnight while he is at work. It would be easier if Jasmine were here, which we both talked and she can come as soon as we find a daycare for her versus waiting a couple months until we get things situated so I'm hoping we can get here there by November at the latest. We also agreed that if I still wanted to I would start looking for a job in January versus doing it in October as soon as I move. I want to take that time to get the house situated and just learn about the area. Of course he keeps going on about working being optional for me, which I am so glad for that but we will see. Jasmine is going to go to daycare still, probably just part time though. I miss her during the day and it's been rough on her the past few days with me leaving her there. I'm still not sure how to handle that situation though. I'll figure it out as we go.

Marriage Jitters?

As the big day approaches I'm getting more and more scared and nervous. I'm constantly wondering am I making the right decision? is it too soon? what do I wear all of these things are about to drive me to drink all day every day up until Friday. Instead of doing that I have decided to fast for the next 3 days and every hour on the hour pray for more clarity about the situation and for God to reveal to me whether this is the man I am supposed to be with forever. That is what my heart and my mind tell me but I also know that it's not about what I think or feel is best it's about what He knows. Right now is a really tough time for me because all of my fears about marriage are coming to the surface and I'm throwing them onto L. I ripped him a new one today about what we should wear to the JOP and I was thinking you know something halfway traditional you know I can wear a sundress and he can wear his dress blues. Well he thought that that was too cliche'; I feel like I should have some say in our day. All the other details of our day down to who our witnesses will be has been dictated by him which I'm cool with because I don't know anyone there but damn can I have one little thing that I can make a decision on. As small as it seems its a big deal to me and it sucks. To be honest, it almost makes me want to just say fuck it and let's just put it off for some other time. So I let him know how I felt about it and how I was worried that our marriage would be the same way, he wouldn't want to do certain things because it was something every one else did or he would want to minimize my opinion. Of course after hearing that all he did say was "ok, I'll wear it" of course me being the stubborn creature that I am I didn't even respond to that IM because for one I was taking a nap and for 2 I was just really upset still and I knew if I did respond right at that moment that it would not be in a good way. Well 8 missed calls later and a nap we still haven't talked. I guess it's time to do that and get things sorted.

I'm feeling good

It feels so good in the house right now. Our a/c broke on Saturday afternoon and omg it was sheer torture the past 2 nights! I mean hella hot! I ended up making me and the girl pallets on the floor so that we could be as cool as possible with the ceiling fan on and a floor fan blowing what seemed like hot air. Luckily the repairman came today and within 45 min we were back in business. Today my sister turned 16 and boy do I feel old. I remember when she was born. Man time flies, that means I'll be 26 this year...old lady status! After that, my day was pretty uneventful I put the girl in the truck and we went for a ride out to the country just enjoying some music and the view. That was pretty much the highlight of my day. I haven't talked to the boo today except via IM which is cool we've been doing that the past few days, I don't even remember the last time we talked on the phone, i think Saturday or was it Friday. I'm just proud of the fact that I haven't spazzed out. I'm doing better, I'm trying to prepare myself for life as a Marine wife. Alot of women I've spoken to about it make it seem like it's something totally different from civilian life. I guess I'll find out for myself.I'm just ready to move and be with him and have the girl there in the mix and being a nice happy blended family. I need to start checking out att's phones once my sprint contract ends next month we're going to do a family plan with them. I'm torn between the iphone and a blackberry so we shall see who wins out all before it was the iphone now today its the blackberry. I don't know which will win..we'll see.

caught up

Well it's been 2 weeks since the last time I've posted and it's been a rollercoaster to say the least. So much has happened. The last time I posted was the morning of june 10th, that day seemed like a normal day except we were hoping that my papa would have his surgery to get his pacemaker replaced. Well that afternoon, we got a call that he went into cardiac arrest during his dialysis and they had to put him in ICU so that put a fire under our feet and we rushed over to Florence to be with him and check up on him. I spent that afternoon in the waiting room harassing my SFF via text and laughing and joking with my family while we all took turns to visit with him. 20 min per pair and we had to go 2 at a time so that two of us were constantly holding his hand-one on each side. I was so worried for him but then we got the news that they were going to take him off the ventilator which made me feel better, so good that I shot over to the mall with my sister and Monica. We returned from the mall and his condition had not changed. So when it was my turn to go sit with him , me and my mom went into his room where my aunt donna was already there with him and the nurse and the nurse was so nice she came in and asked me if he was my dad I told her no my grandpa and she said he must be really special for all of his family to be here. i tod her yea he was and she called my aunt out into the hall while we were in there with him. My aunt came back with this weird look on her face and told us that the nurse said that there wasn't anything else they could do for him, so she was going to go out into the waiting room and get everyone else. So while she was gone my mom started talking to papa and was telling him it was ok how she knew he was tired and it was alright he fought a good fight and he could rest now. at this point he has one eye barely open but he has this huge smile on his face like the one he used to have when we were smaller and he would spend time with us on sundays after church. so i just kept holding his hand and my mom was asking him did he see me and he looked right up at me and smiled and i gave him a kiss on his forehead and everyone-my stepgrandma, my mom and 2 aunts, 2 uncles, 2 grandaunts,2 granduncles, and I were with him in his room all touching him and just waiting in silence for him to transition. There was a feeling of calmness in the room even though we all had tears in our eyes and others had tears streaming down their faces,he just continued to look at me and smile and between keeping eye contact with him and eyeballing his heart monitor i noticed his heart rate had dropped down to 20. So we all just silently stood around him and before we knew it , he was gone. That was one of the roughest moments in my life I'd never seen anyone die before and not only that but in such an honorable way, being surrounded by your family your wife, some of your children,grandchildren, sisters and brother. He was not only a great grandad he was a great man, a soldier. My family decided to give him a mlitary funeral since he was a retired Army soldier and that's what he wanted. He was buried in full dress uniform with an Honor Guard and everything. It was a very nice service, not sad at all, my papa lived a full life leaving behind 3 generations that came directly from him. Not very many people can say that. It was really hard for me to grieve because every one around me was hurting so much, I really wished the boo could have been there with me, but he did stay on the phone with me all night and let me have a good cry in his ear and he knew just what to say to make me feel better. Even though he's been working mids, and after I asked he came down for the funeral right after he'd gotten off at 7 that morning , he drove straight down for the funeral and got to meet most of my family from that side and it was nice even though I know he was exhausted. He was able to stay at the house and take over my bed and sleep for a few hours before he got right back on the road to New River where he had barracks duty. Which kinda sucked for him but once he was able to sleep he was good to go. So he's been really great through all of this, he's always doing something to make me fall in love over and over everyday. I haven't even threatened to tase him in a long time either. lol Things with the boo have made a drastic chage for the best. We've decided to get married! Which makes me feel so much better about packing myself and the girl up to move out of state, of course. We've decided to get eloped and we will tell our families that we're engaged and plan a wedding with all the bells and whistles and then let them know that we've been married for a year to the day of the wedding. We're going to elope July 24 and then have our wedding on July 24,2010. So that has been occupying my thoughts alot, I'm sooooo excited about it. A part of me wishes that we didn't have to do it secretly but I understand the reasoning behind it, although I'm still itching to tell my mom, maybe I'll mention it to him today or something and see what he says. The girl is doing well, we've officially entered the realm of potty training and boy is that an ordeal. It's crazy but she's starting to get the hang of it. So I'm hoping by the Fall she will be ready for school and be fully trained. We will see though...so that's a brief synapsis of the past few weeks and the big big stuff of course there were bumps and bruises along the way but it's all good.

wow...

So much stuff has gone down in the past week it's not even funny. When I get a free moment I'm going to sit down and get caught up.